How do Asian students get to the top of the class?

I recently read these two articles:

How do Asian students get to the top of the class?
http://www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/ca/933/

Asian Parents and Success:
http://www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/ca/950

I have a lot of problems with what these articles are saying. This is aside from any self-stereotyping that may be going on.

(1) For one thing, similarly to Asian parents, Black parents also have a high expectation of obedience from our kids, and expect them to respect their elders as we were taught to respect ours. But our children, particularly the boys, often do not do well in school. This is because the schools are failing our children, not because we don’t expect them to respect their elders.

(2) On a deeper level, my problem with this is that it assumes that parents are building up their children’s self-esteem by praising everything they do, so that the children don’t want to make any effort.

Praising a child’s every action is not the way to build the child’s self-esteem. If anything, this will make the child very dependent on parental approval.

Similarly, it seems to me that requiring your child to be obedient, and putting the emphasis on results, is one way to guarantee that your child will grow up neurotically dependent on approval from authority figures. He or she could spend the rest of his or her adult life, either working hard to gain the approval of employers and superiors while lacking quality of life, or in therapy trying to overcome this tendency.

(3) These articles also refer to the child identifying with the role of ‘student’. That way, the child will grow up to identify with the role of ‘accountant’ or ‘chemist’ or whatever career the parents think is appropriate.

Of course, white society is happy to see Asian children brought up to be insecure and competitive, quiet and obedient. This suits the needs of the majority, authority figures and the powers-that-be. But does it meet the needs of Asian children, families and communities?

Surely, we – all adults - should encourage our children to be proud of being themselves, and identify with being authentic. That way, they will grow up to be healthy, happy, well-rounded adults. People with high self-esteem tend to perform better in different roles, including their careers as well as relationships, because they expect to do well. When you feel good about yourself on the inside, your actions and interactions reflect this.

The way to encourage our children to do well is to build their self-esteem by helping them to identify their own strengths and accomplishments. Yes, children can always do better. So can adults. I suspect many Asian parents who spend their time pointing out to their children how to improve do so because of their own inner sense of inadequacy. Their strategy is to pressure their children to do well in the hope that their children’s achievements will help them to feel better about themselves.

I speak partly from my own experience of being parented by African American parents who used the same strategy.

Luckily, my Dad also frequently reminds me how brilliant I am and that I can achieve anything I want to. This helped me through difficult times during my childhood, and I find his belief in me still contributes to my self-confidence now.

High self-esteem comes from inside. It does not come from being praised or by achieving external goals unless those goals are linked to one’s inner sense of what is important. Reliance on achievement of results leads to a sense of insecurity and a constant need to achieve, to do better than others, to compete. The most competitive people are not necessarily the most successful or effective in their fields, but they tend to be the most insecure.

My Dad’s reminding me of how wonderful I am contributed to my positive self-image, as both of my parents’ criticism contributed to my negativity about myself. In the end, we internalise these outside influences and we are the only ones who can use them, overcome them or transform them.

We want to bring up Black children to be happy, healthy, secure and successful adults – on their own terms. Not just to conform to the values of white society. Of course, their achievements can include career success and should do if that is what is important to the person. Lastly, I recently discovered this somewhat humourous, but nevertheless truthful, article on The Asian Parent Syndrome.

Bitter Asian Men http://www.bitterasianmen.com/parents.html

For more on building positive self-esteem, for parents and children, see
Success Strategies for Black People.

Click here for great Xmas and Kwanzaa gifts.

Remembrance Sunday

Here in the UK, it was Remembrance Day on Sunday. Veterans’ Day in the States?

I was watching The Wright Stuff last week Friday. Well, I don’t actually watch it as my eyes are on the computer screen, which means my back is to the TV. But it was on. They were talking about whether or not to wear a poppy in the days coming up to Remembrance Sunday. Somebody made reference to ‘poppy fascism’.

Being from the States, I did not grow up with poppies, and I don’t wear one now. I certainly don’t need to wear one to remember the honoured dead.

My Dad was in the war. Obviously, he didn’t die, or I would not be here. But he and his comrades risked their lives so that we could have a better world. To me, those men are heroes.

I note Ian Hislop’s excellent series, “Not Forgotten”, about the people listed on First World War memorials, is being given another airing on Channel 4. One of the many things I enjoyed about the series was the fact that he devoted an entire programme to those from the Empire who served in the British forces. Those whose experience and sacrifice are usually consigned to one sentence – something like, ‘And many people from the empire joined up to serve King and country’.

I do recall one programme some years ago – also on Channel 4 – about soldiers from the Caribbean who were recruited into the British Army during the First World War. The ship that took them to France sailed via the North Pole, but the Caribbean soldiers were not issued with the winter uniforms that were on board. Many of the men suffered frostbite and had to have limbs amputated.

So much for serving King and country.

The Black soldiers were not issued with rifles. I don’t know whether the white people thought they were too stupid to use them, or were afraid of finding themselves at the business end of them.

That programme went on to say that German prisoners were kept in heated barracks, whilst the Caribbean soldiers, from the tropics, shivered in unheated quarters.

So I feel somewhat ambivalent when I see a Black person sporting a poppy. I want all of those who served their countries to be remembered, along with their suffering and sacrifices.

Wordpower Literary Festival

Emmanuel Amevor, Director of Centerprise bookshop and literature project, thinks Black people who are aware of our history should do more to educate young people.

To read this interview, in which he speaks about the month-long Wordpower Black literature festival and his vision of economic empowerment, visit:

http://www.kuumba-survivors.com/centerprisewordpower.htm

Conversations with Interesting Black People

I love publishing. I get to meet so many interesting people, online and offline.

I love discovering more and more interesting and successful people of African heritage. Coaches, mentors, people who motivate others and who are willing to share their secrets with my readers and me.

I got a message from Bro Bedford, author of Conversations with Black Millionaires, the other day. He basically said, 'Well done, keep up the good work'. It was so kind - he didn't have to say this. He doesn't even know me! That one message put a smile on my face all day.

You can download his free eBook, How to Be a Black Entrepreneur, from my site at
http://www.black-success.com/freeebooks.htm

By the way, you can read an interview with Black millionaire Randal Pinkett at:
http://www.blacksuccess1.com/randalpinkett.htm

Another person I have met online is Sandra Rafaela, who publishes the Black Authors page on her site for Afro European Sisters. Check this out: http://www.aesn.eu/bwie/black_authors.html

She has a new site, Women of the African Diaspora, which she has put together with Adrianne George of Black Women in Europe: http://www.aesn.eu/bwie/index.html

Looking to Publish Inspirational and Motivational Articles

I am seeking nonfiction articles by and about people of African descent for publication in my More Black Success series of eBooks.

If you have an inspirational or motivational article or true story to tell, check this out: http://www.black-success.com/storieswanted.htm

Themes may include:

· overcoming blocks and obstacles
· mistakes and what you have learned from them
· what inspires you
· how you keep going when things are tough
· yoga
· meditation
· healing
· complimentary therapy
· Kwanzaa
· African traditions

For more details, contact info@blacksuccess1.com

Looking to Publish African American Articles

I am seeking nonfiction articles by and about people of African heritiage for publication in my More Black Success series of eBooks.

If you have an inspirational or motivational article or true story to tell, check this out: http://www.black-success.com/storieswanted.htm

Themes may include:

· overcoming blocks and obstacles
· mistakes and what you have learned from them
· what inspires you
· how you keep going when things are tough
· yoga
· meditation
· healing
· complimentary therapy
· Kwanzaa
· African traditions

For more info, send an e-mail to info@blacksuccess1.com