Six-Year-Old Girl Arrested

This six-year-old was arrested, taken out of her classroom and led away in handcuffs.

I have a lot to say about this.

First of all, I have blogged more about outrages against our Black children, and other children, here.

And here.

And here.  

My work is about solutions.  See below for solutions.  But right now, I need to vent.  I am just so upset.

Have you heard about the Black children who have committed suicide because of bullying?  And the mom who was banned from the school her daughter attends, because she she confronted her daughter's bullies?

And now this story.

One of the questions in my mind is:  What was going through this police officer's mind?  What was he thinking about when he went into the classroom, put handcuffs on this little girl, led her out of the building and put her in a police car?  What on earth was he thinking about?

He is a grown-ass man, arresting a six-year-old.  What is wrong with him? 

Also, who ordered a six-year-old to be arrested?  On what grounds?

Do these people even realise that they are part of a racist narrative?  Because this is the kind of thing that has been going on since slavery.  And in South Africa, remember in Soweto, they SHOT loads of children who were protesting against apartheid.

So what are these people thinking?

I am going to be blogging more about this soon.  But in the meantime, if you want some information about solutions, including Nonviolent Communication (NVC) which can  PREVENT this kind of thing from happening, go here for some NVC resources.

Please share this and please comment below. 

Wealth-Building for Black Folks

Black Wealth Matters

The purpose of the books and ebooks I have written and published, and many of the blogs I have posted, is to help you to achieve your goals.  If you want to build wealth, pay attention!  This is the stuff they don't want us to know! 

Many of the resources I have posted are specifically for Black folks, i.e. people of African heritage.  Plus I have other resources for everyone - including people of African heritage.  

I am listing a few of my wealth-building resources below.  When I say you can learn how to achieve any goal, I really do mean ANY goal.  We each have a strong connection to the universe.  We need to get out of our own way!  These are resources to help us build successful, prosperous Black families and communities. 

I am committed to helping Black people to achieve our highest potential.  This is part of my commitment to global prosperity and global peace.  

I am a member of the global Black community.  If you are on the African continent or in the Diaspora -  wherever you are in the world - I am speaking to you right now.  If you are a parent, teacher or educator, if you are a business owner, pay attention!  This is the stuff they don't want us to know! 

What are you doing to build wealth - for yourself, for your family and for your community?  Please comment below.  

Please share this blog post with anyone who can benefit from it. 

Here's to your success!  

Achieving Success, with your 3-Step Success Formula

How to Get Clear, Precise Answers 

How to Get the Results You Want 

Black Success Audios 

Nurture Success 

Go here for a FREE, no-obligation consultation. 

This Upsets a Lot of People

I have had this argument with a lot of people, online and offline, over the years.

I met this guy at the park the other day. He is an active church member and works with young people.

He was insisting that we “have to” beat our children. In Africa, we beat our children – and "it works".

I confess I did not use my NVC skills during this encounter. I did not try to connect with his feelings and needs. I get very reactive when I see parents behaving in ways I don't like, and I particularly react, when people tell me we “have to” beat our children.

People also think it is part of our culture, but it's not. This is behavour that was learned and reinforced during slavery. Violent parenting, ruling by fear and intimidation, is NOT part of our culture. It is part of white culture. White people don't want us to know this. They don't want us to know and understand that we can have relationships, including parent/child relationships, based on trust, mutual understandin,g care and respecct.

“We have to” is a form of jackal speech, which Marshall Rosenberg terms “the language of no choice”. He points out that the Nazis used this kind of language to justify their actions.

For more about jackal speech, see “Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication”.

Also, check out my book, Success Strategies for Black People. 

Nonviolent Communication also works.   

Just because I have knowledge about NVC and I understand how it works, doesn't mean I always use it. I fall down. I make mistakes. It's called learning.

Jackals are very useful, as they point us to our unmet needs. I was experiencing a lot of unmet needs in this argument. Needs for kindness, care, respect and, most importantly, listening. A lot of parents tell me they are having problems with their children. “She's angry, she's slamming doors”, etc. But when I ask what unmet needs the child is experiencing, they tell me, “she doesn't have any”.

If your child is angry or upset, he or she is experiencing unmet needs. And you need to LISTEN to the child to understand what unmet needs he or she is experiencing.

We need to LISTEN to children, not beat them.

Please leave your comments below, and please share this with your networks.

Children and Knife Crime

Knives Taken from Schoolchildren

Let's talk about solutions.  

In the news today, we learn about the increase in children bringing weapons into school, particularly knives.  

This is in the news now, but it is something I have been very concerned about for some time.  I am particularly concerned about violence within Black communities, but this is something that affects ALL communities.  Listen below for more.  



Click here for my interview with Ike Lasater.  

Click here for more blogs from the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence.  

Click here for blogs about how violence affects Black communities. 

Click here for Success Strategies for Black People.  

Listening to Our Black Children

Are We Listening to Our Black Children?

I posted this blog some time ago and it's still relevant:  Are We Listening to Our Children?  Plus click here for part 2. 

Those posts are for everyone, regardless of racial or cultural background (although the examples in part 2 came from the Black community). 

But I continue to be very concerned about parenting within the Black community - how we parent our children.  It's not just about physical violence.  About physical abuse, i.e. beating children, and the fact that so many of our Black parents tell me we "have to" beat our children.  No, we don't "have to" be violent to children.  We need to find better ways to communicate. We need to upgrade our skills. 

As I said, it's not just about physical violence.  I was on the bus a few weeks ago and I saw this sista with a beautiful, beautiful little girl on her back.  The child had such a beautiful smile.  She was trying to get her mother's attention and her mother was telling her to "shush" so she could talk on the phone.

This really hurt me.  And I see similar things all the time in my neighbourhood, in my community.  WHY would you ignore your child to talk on the phone?  

And I have seen a lot worse than this, and I experienced far worse than this when I was a young person.  So many of us are so damaged.  We come from damaged families.  We have been damaging each other in our families for many generations, as a direct result of racism.  As part of the legacy of slavery.  We carry wounds that go very deep. 

As I have said on this blog many times, we have learned toxic ways of communicating, toxic ways of behaving.  And we will keep infllicting these toxic behaviour patterns on one generation after another until we heal them.  This is probaby the main reason why I wrote Success Strategies for Black People.  We CAN heal ourselves and each other.  And the healing process begins with healing oneself.

My own healing journey has been a long and difficult one, and it is ongoing.  I have learned a lot through my healing process and my aim is to share with you what is of value.  See also: Violence Begins at Home. 

Healing Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome

enslaved African men in chains

Click here to download my new ebook, Why We Need to Heal.  

I am re-purposing this blog post.  Several years ago, Dr. DeGruy Leary gave a lecture in London on Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome.  She has said the same things I have been saying for many years.

We must heal the past. We must heal the internalised racism and oppression, i.e. self-hatred, that has been passed down within Black families for many generations since the enslavement of African people by Europeans began.

This is why I do the work I do. See my book, Success Strategies for Black People, for positive cultural reinforcement for Black parents and families - for all of us. 

This is why I compiled Black Success Stories and the More Black Success ebooks.  For more about this, see: Remember Your Greatness.   

For more information on the healing of people of African heritage, click here to download Why We Need to Heal. 

 

INTERnational Week for Nonviolence

I am privileged to be a member of the Summit Council of the INTERnational Week for Nonviolence, which will be held 16th-23rd August 2014.

If you are organising an event during that week, please post the details in the comments section below.

I have also posted some NVC events - not just events for that week – here.

One of my guests on my recent show about Black parents and nonviolence was saying, "You CAN'T teach young people nonviolence because they have to fight".

I was reminded of the first time I met Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication.  I asked him about his work with Black gang leaders. 

 

I talk about this in the audio below.   

I am also inspired by the example of Malcolm X. He was alienated and disaffected, and he became involved in petty crime and ended up in prison. But the right support and encouragement, and given the right inspiration, he became a leader.

Listen below for more.

I am really passionate about this work. NVC is saving people's lives all over the world, and it could save your life. It could save your child's life.

The INTERnational Week for Nonviolence is not exclusively for people of African heritage. It's for everyone.

Help me celebrate the Week for Nonviolence this coming August.

I have written about Nonviolent Communication in Success Strategies for Black People and

my new ebook, Affirmations for Parents. 

Follow me @Zhana21 and @ZhanaHeals.  

Current Books Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Zhana21 on BlogTalkRadio

 

What Do Black Parents Need? (Part 2)

Please listen below for Part 2 of this discussion, which focuses on nonviolence.  Click here for Part 1:  What Do Black Parents Need?  

See also:  Are We Listening to Our Children?  

I was joined by two awesome sistas, Shaunes Richardson of  State of the Black Parent and Dr. Stephanie Myers of Black Women for Positive Change. Black Women for Positive Change are organising a Week of Nonviolence 16th-23rd August.  

Shaunes, in particular, spoke about some of the difficulties and challenges we face when working to bring about positive change. This work is not easy!

I wrote about Nonviolent Communication, NVC, in Success Strategies for Black People and in my new ebook, Affirmations for Parents.

I am passionate about this work because it could save your life, and it could save your child's life. NVC is saving lives all over the world.  

We can change the world.  And positive change starts with us - our minds, our hearts, our families, our communities.   

Please listen below for Part 2 of this discussion, which focuses on nonviolence.  Please leave your comments below, and share this blog post with your networks.  Many thanks. 

Online Books Radio at Blog Talk Radio with Zhana21 on BlogTalkRadio

 

What Do Black Parents Need?

What Do Black Parents Need? 

I would love to hear your thoughts about what Black parents need.  We talked about this on my show this week, and there's still a lot more to say.  I was joined by Shaunes Richardson from State of the Black Parent.  You can listen below.  

On both sides of the Atlantic, we are facing some of the same challenges.  This is why I wrote Success Strategies for Black People.  Our communities are dealing with a lot iof challenges, and there is a lot more to say about this.  I'll be blogging about this some more.  

I was listening to Rev Up with Rev Alethea yesterday - her interview with Mr. X, a former prisoner.  Even though I am not a Christian, I found her approach very inspiring - and it occurred to me that, many times, parents don't realise how much impact their words have.  When they say something hurtful, they don't realise how much it hurts.  If someone else said the same thing, it would not be nearly so painful.  

But actually, most of us do not realise the impact of our words and actions most of the time.  And our words and actions have long-term consquences. 

What do Black parents need?  Please leave your comments below.  Thanks.   

Click here for Black Success audios.  

Click here to download Affirmations for Parents now.  

New Books Podcasts with Zhana21 on BlogTalkRadio

Teen Murdered His Parents

I am sure you are shocked by this story.  I don't know what happened in this family, but it seems clear that there was a serious breakdown.  16-year-old Vincent Parket murdered his parents. 

Teen Murdered Parents for Taking Away His iPod

When we see an appalling story like this, we need to think about what we can learn from this.  If we don't listen to our children, the results can be tragic.  They are rarely this tragic.  But we MUST help young people - and parents - to find nonviolent solutions. 

I talk about nonviolent solutions in my new ebook, Affirmations for Parents.  

See also:  Which Children Are Most Likely to Bring Weapons to School? 

Childless Man Jailed for Failing to Pay Child Support

As described in this video from the Southern Center for Human Rights, Mr. Frank Hatley was jailed for failure to pay child support.  

See below for more details. 

What's unusual about this case?  Mr. Hatley had no children.   

I believe many of these these cases of injustice can be addressed with Spiritual Response Therapy (SRT), which I talk about in Success Strategies for Black People. 

I am passionate about this.  See also:   We Need to Talk about an Injustice. 

Many people are being incarcerated, often indefinitely, in the State of Georgia for inability to pay child support.  This is in an area in which which has 24% of the population lives below the poverty line. 

One-third of those in the Cook County Jail are there because of inability to pay child support.   Of course, a high proportion of them are African Americans.  When they do manage to find some money, their payments go to the State, not to their children. 

This is just one of the many ways in which poverty leads to injustice.  Many of those jailed were not provided with legal representation.  And while they are in jail, they are not allowed to see their children.

Click here to read more. 

What Can We Learn from Tiger Mothers?

I saw a documentary on the BBC last night about "tiger mothers", Chinese women who push their children to succeed.

I have strongly objected to a lot that I have read about "tiger mothers". They are portrayed as being very harsh with their children, not allowing the children to play or to have lives of their own.

However, I felt some sympathy with the mothers in the documentary.

Many people in the West lack discipline. I have found this when teaching personal courses for adults in London. I would tell my students, "Do this exercise every day for one week". They would come back a week later and say, "I did it for three days".

This is not just about Black people - I saw this a lot with my white students.

I was fired from one job, teaching ex-offenders, because my boss disagreed that when a student struggled with something, I said they should do it again. Keep at it until you learn how to do it. He said, let them do something else that's easier. This was teaching them to give up - something "tiger mothers" do not do.

It is important to learn the value of persistence. When you achieve something that was difficult, this greatly increases your sense of self-worth.

One of the parents in the film said that she expected her children to do well. It never entered her mind that they wouldn't. My father was very much the same. He would say, "There is nothing the school can throw at you that you can't handle".

I had experiences of my parents, particularly my mother, not caring about my feelings and my needs, not caring about my dreams and ambitions, and forcing hers on me. That is wrong, it's very undermining. We need to be living out our own dreams, not our parents'.

Also, you don't have to be a doctor, dentist or accountant to do well financially. People do well in all walks of life. There are artists and musicians who are multi-millionaires - just look at Sir Elton John as one example.

Although Elton John had phenomenal success at an early age, he also experienced conflicts with his father, who never went to see him perform. Elton had huge self-esteem issues which created major problems for him. Click here to read more.

One of my serious concerns about the "tiger mothers" is that they are pressuring their children to perform academically at the expense of other areas, which I fear creates an imbalance.

Still, Black parents can learn some things from the "tiger mothers". We need to learn to have that confidence that our children can do well, academically and in every area. Then life can't throw anything at them that they can't handle.

Do We Need to Learn from White People?

A few years ago, someone wrote a book in which he said that in order to be successful, we need to think like white people. I strongly disagree. We don’t need to think like white people, we need to think like successful Black people. Like London-based PR guru, Mavis Amankwah, pictured, whom I interviewed in MBS 10.

Recently, on my radio show, What U Need to Know, a brother called in and was talking about books where we can learn about how to be successful in business. He talked about Think and Grow Rich and he also mentioned Robert Kiyosaki. I said, it’s fine to read those books, we can learn from anybody. And there are plenty of successful Black people who we can learn from. That is why I publish Black Success Stories and the More Black Success free ebooks.

We have many, many successful people we can learn from in our own community, who reflect us culturally. We need to learn from the experts.

Click here to order your of copies of More Black Success now - remember, they are free.

Plus, if you are a parent,teacher or educator, or you work with young people, remember to share them with others. For more information, see Inspiration and Motivation.

Click here to listen to an audio interview with me on Interviews with Black Entrepreneurs.

Please leave your comments below. Thanks.

Inspiration and Motivation

The More Black Success free ebooks are inspiring and motivating. If you are a parent or teacher, or you work with parents, or young people, you will want to share your copies. Click here to read more. Click here to order your copies.

Click here to listen to an interview with me with Interviews with Black Entrepreneurs, about Black Success Stories and More Black Success.

Homeless Mom Arrested for Sending Son to Better School

A homeless woman has been charged with first-degree larceny for sending her child to a better school. The authorities claim she lied about her address in order to get him into the school.

For many people, education is seen as the passport to a better future. This mother is doing what she can to get her son the best possible start in life - and she's been arrested for it. I would argue it would have been a crime if she HADN'T done this.

She used her friend's address and the friend has now been evicted from public housing as a result.

This is so outrageous. She faces the prospect of 20 years in prison. Because there are not enough Black people in prison already, right?

Click here to read the story.

See also: Are Black Parents to Blame for Their Children's Educational Under-Achievment?

The Future for Black Boys

One of our guests on What U Need to Know on Saturday, Theron J. Jackson, author of Never Be Nothin, talked about his experience of having been told in 5th grade "You'll never be nothing". He was told this by a Black woman teacher. Click here to listen to the show.

I use the term "teacher" advisedly.

One of the many challenges faced by our Black boys and young men is that many are being raised in an environment where they have no positive male role models. One result of this is that many of them are lost in the education system and end up in the criminal justice system.

Although our guest was speaking about African American boys, we see the exact same things happening in the UK.

Although being raised without positive male role models is not the only reason for this problem, the lack of role models does have an effect.

I think girls as well as boys need positive male role models.

This is why I published Black Success Stories Volume 1.

Many of those interviewed in the book speak about educating our young people, and the duties and responsibilities of Black parents.

Click here to order your copies of Black Success Stories now.

See also: Do You Think Like a Success?

Click here for more about our panel of experts.

Here's to your success!

Ancient Egypt Jigsaw Puzzle

I have just seen this great free online resource: Ancient Egypt Jigsaw Puzzles. There are several jigsaw puzzles on that page. There's also a puzzle of Great Zimbabwe.

See also: Free Stuff for Black Parents and Children

The Influence of Ancient Egypt

Loads of Free Stuff for Black Parents and Children

The Black Holiday Gifts Guide has loads of free resources for Black parents, children and families.

Online Fun for You and Your Children

We have lots of free online fun for your children, including free resources they can download and print out.

Print out and color a Kinara.

There's an online Black history quiz.

And lots more free resources.

click here to download the free Black Holiday Gifts Guide 2010 now.

African American Gifts

Plus, we have lots of children's gifts you can buy. We have gifts for all the family - toys, coloring books, Black history board games and more.

Our coloring books include:

African American Leaders Activity and Coloring Book
Famous Black Women
African Designs Coloring Book

and more.

Check it out: click here to download the free Black Holiday Gifts Guide 2010 now.

See also: A Christian Book for Teenage Girls.

Articles Wanted: Michelle Obama as a Positive Role Model

I am seeking articles on Michelle Obama. For more info, see Is Michelle Obama a Positive Role Model?

You may also be interested in:

Ebony Intuition: Michelle Obama Covers Vogue March 2009

African American Relationships Guides

I Am a Community Organiser

I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a 'community organizer,' except that you have actual responsibilities.- Sarah Palin, 2008

I have been involved with community organising for my entire adult life. I have been a member of the African Health Forum for several years. Our members work within African communities in South London, providing health education and awareness around HIV prevention and testing, and supporting those with HIV to get the best treatment available. We also now work around other health issues including sickle cell and teenage pregnancy. People from the voluntary sector work alongside those in the NHS to provide these services, and we share knowledge and skills with one another.

I am both proud and humbled to be a part of this work. (Search this blog for more information.)

People in many different African countries are part of this community effort, organising in their towns and villages, in places where there are few resources but an abundance of ignorance and stigma around HIV and other illnesses.

I am also involved with the Black Parents’ Forum and I lead workshops for African Caribbean parents, to support them in getting the best out of the education system for their children, and in working to stem the gun and knife crime which is dramatically increasing both in London and across the UK.

This work is obviously vital to our communities. We are saving lives. For Sarah Palin to be so dismissive about community organisers is to say that she doesn't care about human life.

When the Jena incidents began, who was it that brought this to the public’s attention? Community organisers on and offline.

Similarly, campaigners on and offline are challenging the excessive use of tasers and other forms of violence by police officers.

I don’t know if Palin is really that ignorant, or if she just does not care. Or if she is running scared because she sees the power of Senator Obama’s campaign. By networking with, drawing on and channelling the energy of community organisers, Obama has put the Presidential campaign back where it belongs – in the hands of the people (a/k/a voters). The churches, the synagogues, the mosques, the schools, the PTAs, the small groups and organisations and forums all over the world that are doing their bit to make life better for those around them.

This is what it’s all about. Senator Obama has tapped into that energy. African American politicians and African politicians internationally have been doing this for many years. Telling people what they need to do, telling them how to bring about change.But this time it’s different. Obama does not just tell people what to do. He asks us what we want. And that is scary. To people who don’t want to see change happen, real, fundamental change, this must be absolutely terrifying.

Obama’s people are on the case. They are out there right now, signing people up to vote. Young African American people, who normally don’t cast ballots, or register to vote. Those in the inner cities, who are the most likely to end up in poverty, in jail, or dead. They are signing up in their thousands. This could mean a real future for those who, up to now, never had a chance. At last, they have a voice, and somebody who is listening to it.

I still don’t know how much change Obama can or will bring about if he is elected President. But I can see how much change he is bringing about now. Drawing on the strength of the community, and the organisers within it, can potentially create massive change.Yeah, Sarah Palin. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Many members of the AfroSpear and the afrosphere are blogging today to challenge Sarah Palin’s disrespectful remarks about community organisers. Please join us.