Why I Am Committed to Nonviolence

MLK Faith Is Taking the First Step

Click here for more blog posts from the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2016. 

I have blogged a lot about the things that affect me – and I am sure they affect you, too. Like the killings of Black people by the police and other authorities.  And The Calais Jungle.  And the history of the Freedom Riders.  And I have blogged about the fact that Black women cancer patients are often denied the care they need. 

For some of my recent blog posts, see the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2016. 

As I have asked bloggers to submit blogs that are personal, I want to share with you some of my personal thoughts, feelings and experiences.

As I said in Violence Begins at Home, this work begins with the self. We all want other people to change, but in order to achieve that, we first need to change ourselves.

I use many different personal development methods in my work and in my life. The one method that has affected me the most is Nonviolent Communication (NVC). For more about NVC, see 8 Books about NVC and my interviews with NVC authors.

My biggest problem has probably always been my low self-esteem, which I could also characterize as self-hatred. I taught courses in Building Self-Esteem and Confidence for many years.

The way we talk about ourselves, to ourselves, is a central feature in our self-esteem. We use language that undermines our confidence. We use jackal language (blaming, judging labelling) to ourselves, about ourselves. We learn lessons such as feeling “not good enough” very early in life, and in consequence, we put ourselves down. Often, we learn to put ourselves down before someone else has the chance to do it. I have seen this tendency in myself and in many of my students. I am usually unaware of it – it's a tendency that is unconscious.

When I was doing a lot of NVC, I found that my self-talk changed. The way I talked to myself became more positive. I didn't plan for this or expect it, it just happened.

I have agoraphobia, one symptom of which is that I find it difficullt to cross the street. I have to wait until I feel comfortable, until there is not too much traffic, and so forth. I could be giving myself positive, encouraging messages in this context.

But one day, as I was waiting for the lights to change, I heard a voice in my head saying you're so STUPID!!! Over and over again. I was shocked, but I'm sure these are the types of messages I am giving myself all the time. 

This is just an example of the kind of self-talk that undermines our self-esteem and conidence. When we are harsh with ourselves, we tend to be harsh towards others as well. As Marshall Rosenberg explained in Nonviolent Communication, we can use jackal language towards ourselves or towards others.

When we have jackal thoughts towards ourselves, we tend to project these kinds of thoughts and attitudes towards others. This can, and often does, lead to conflict.

When I became kinder in my self-talk, others saw and commented on how different I was in my interactions with others. I wish I had known about NVC when I was teaching.

I am very keen that more and more of us learn NVC. This will transform our our lives, our worplaces and our communities and will, eventually, transform the world. Transformation begins at home.

Click here for more blogs from the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2016.

 

The Calais Jungle

The Calais Jungle, London Southbank

I am sure you have heard of the “Jungle”, the name given to the camp in Calais where many refugees have gathered hoping to cross the Channel and enter Britain. A lot of them are African people.

I saw The Calais Jungle, an exhibition at the Royal Festival Hall, London Southbank, on Sunday. It was included in the Africa Utopia festival, which has now ended, and the Love Festival, and continues until 2^nd October. If you have not seen it, I recommend you see it.

The exhibition includes loads of photographs of people who live in the Jungle, as well as homes, shops, churches and mosques. The Jungle is a vast complex.

What I really like about this exhibition is that the photographs show people's faces. They are not just a faceless mass of refugees, which is how the current crisis is often reported in the mainstream press.

Part of the Jungle was recently demolished, making many people, including children, homeless. Well over 100 children simply disappeared and the French police, according to what is said in this exhibition, did nothing to try to help them, protect them or investigate their disappearance. The children of the Jungle, who have escaped a war zone and the unimaginable terrors they have witnessed, are afraid of the French police.

There have been loads of stories coming out of the Jungle, and French lorry drivers have taken  action this week because they want their government to close it down. The Jungle's residents have become pawns in a very dangerous game being played between and within France, Britain and other European countries. Many lorry drivers feel under pressure from refugees demanding that drivers allow them to stow away in their vehicles. 

The UK government is reported to be building a wall near Calais to further deter The UK government is reported to be building a wall to further deter migrants from entering Britain.   

These refugees are clearly desperate and my heart goes out to them (not making excuses for any intimidatory behaviour).

It is important that we bear the refugees in mind. I am fortunate to live in London, a place that is relatively stable and peaceful, and I feel helpless to do much for them. The one thing I can do, besides blogging, is publish the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence. Please support the blogging carnival.