The Violet Flame

The Violet Flame

If you have read Achieving Success, you know that overcoming blocks and obstacles is the first part of my 3-Step Success Formula.

In order to move towards success, and move towards achieving our goals, we first need to start removing some of our blocks – removing some of what is getting in our way.

I recently completed a Reiki Master training with Suzanne Zacharia. Suzanne is a great trainer, whom I trust. I have been working with her for many years as she is also an EFT practitioner.

As part of Reiki Master training, Suzanne gave me a violet flame attunement. I didn't know anything about the violet flame – this is all new to me.

Since then, I have been reading about the violet flame. The best book I have found is called Transform Your Life with the Violet Flame.

The violet flame helps us to transmute negative energy into positive energy – which is Step One in my 3-Step Success Formula!

Transform Your Life with the Violet Flame explains how we can connect with the violet flame and use it to eliminate negativity, to transform difficult situations into more positive ones. We can use the violet flame in work situations, with relationships, and to clear spaces. There are many more ways to use the violet flame. I strongly recommend this book, it can help you in many different areas of your life.

Transform Your Life with the Violet Flame is very easy to read, understand and apply. It is very practical, which is one of the reasons why I like it.

It is available from Amazon.co.uk here.

Or from Amazon.com here.

Click here to contact me for a free, no-obligation consultation.

Here's to your success!

The Argument-Free Marriage

Greetings, all.  I just saw this great article, The Argument-Free Marriage.  It links to the above video with Fawn Weaver. 

What she is saying is very similar to what we do with NVC, but in NVC we would say, first connect with your own feelings and needs, then connect with the other person's and only then express your feelings and needs. 

If you connect with the other person's feelings and needs, they are much more likely to be open to yours.  This works in all different kinds of relationships, not just marriages. 

Anyway, this is a great video. Enjoy! 

Please share this with your networks and please leave a comment below.

Click here for more about NVC. 

Chris Rock Divorce

I'm deeply saddened to hear that Chris Rock has filed for divorce from his wife of 19 years.  I'm sure you are, too.

What makes a relationship work?  

Hollywood may have taken its toll on the marriage.  Chris Rock compared marriage to shooting himself in the head.  He also said that he had to bury his own personality once he got married.

A relationship, or any communication, works when both sides hear and respect each other's feelings and needs.  NVC gives us the skills to do this. 

Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, has referred to NVC as "making life more wonderful". 

Whether you are single, in a couple, married, a parent - whatever your situation - you can use Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to transform your relationships.  I will be leading a session in London on the 12th of January.  Click here for more info. I hope you will join us. 

Wishing you a wonderful 2015! 

How to Transform Your Relationships

It's such a shame to hear that Chris Rock has filed for divorce.  It seems to have been have been a long time coming. 

If you have read Success Strategies or my articles, blogs and ebooks, you know I am passionate about Nonviolent Communication.  We can transform our relationships and our communication using NVC.

Whether you are single, in a couple, a parent, an employee, an employer, or a business owner, you can use NVC to make your life more wonderful.  

I am delighted and privileged to be leading a session of the NVC Meetup group in London on Monday the 12th of January.  Click here for details.  I hope you can join us. 

For more about how to use NVC to transform your relationships, click here for my ebook What They Don't Want Us to Know.  Click here for Affirmations for Parents.

African American Bloggers' Carnival

The theme of the next African American Bloggers' Carnival is "Black relationships, families, culture and society".

"All positive, Black-focused blogs are invited to submit links for review and possible inclusion."

The deadline for submission is the 30th of November. Click here to post your entries.

And good luck!

Click here to read more about Black bloggers and blogging.

What Is Black Love?

This month's Ebony focuses on Black love. And it's great to see President and Mrs. Obama on the cover as an example of Black love.

What is Black love?

Ebony says: "There is enormous energy in every apology delivered, every truth uttered, every embrace held, every abuse checked, every vow honored ...".

To read more, see What Is Black Love?

I think what Des O'Connor is doing is brilliant. To read more, see: Why Can't Successful Black Women Find Good Black Men?

He is helping single Black men and women to meet each other.

But what happens after they meet?

We need to ask some hard questions.

Why do we have such a high incidence of divorce and relationship breakdown in our communities?

Why are so many Black children growing up in single-parent families?

And what are the consequences of this for us as individuals? For our communities? For our children?

We have so much healing to do.

For more info, see "How to Get What You Want in Your Relationships".

See also: Why We Need to Heal.

Escape from Relationship Hell

I’ve been listening to this audio - Stop Marrying Mistakes – in the series on Escape from Relationship Hell. Click here to listen.

Often, our relationship problems and challenges are based on deep-seated patterns of thought and behaviour.

In order to bring about changes at a deep level, we need to uncover these patterns and change them.

The power is in your hands. To read more, see my ebook What They Don’t Want Us to Know. You can now download it for just $3.99. This is a summer special, so get it while it’s hot!

Click here for What They Don't Want Us to Know.

Plus, click here to download the free chapter on Achieving Success.

Des O'Connor is holding an event where 50 single Black women will get to meet and talk to 50 single Black men, after three hours of life coaching. To read more, see Why Can't Successful Black Women Find Good Black Men?

Click here for my Amazon Author Profile.

Here’s to your success!

Summer Special - Get It While It's Hot!

You can now download my ebook What They Don’t Want Us to Know for just $3.99. This represents massive savings on the normal price of $39.00.

This is a summer special, so get it while it’s hot!

Do you just want to keep doing the same things in the same way, and getting the same results?

If you are ready to make positive changes to your health, wealth and success, you need this book!

Click here to download What They Don't Want Us to Know.

Click here to download the free chapter on Achieving Success.

Click here for Zhana's Amazon Author Profile.

Here’s to your success!

Why Can't Successful Black Women Find Good Black Men? (Part 3)

Click here for Part 1.

Click here for Part 2.

Des has some excellent videos on his website, featuring Hill Harper.

We know Hill Harper as an actor from CSI New York. He is also the author of several books, including The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships.

To read more, see Black Men, Women, Relationships

One point Hill makes is that Black men talk to each other, Black women talk to each other, but the sistas and the brothas are not communicating with each other. Des and the panellists at his event made the same point.

Des's work is all about building lasting relationships. His work is not for those who are just grazing, cruising or looking for short-term romance. If you are serious about building a lasting relationship with a partner, click here to check out his site.

Des will be holding a singles event in which you are guaranteed to meet at least 50 Black men and chat to all of them in the course of the evening. Click here for info and to book.

Click here for the Success Strategies fan page.

To find out about future events for the Black community, click here to join Nurture Success.

Why Can't Successful Black Women Find Good Black Men? (Part 2)

Whenever we start to move towards our goals, whenever we start to move forward in a positive direction, we become more aware of what is getting in the way. As I say in Success Strategies for Black People, "Love always brings up its opposite for healing".

That is one reason why people don't come to this type of event. They allow their fears to get in the way.

If their friends and family members are saying, "What are you doing that for?", it just means those people's fears are being triggered.

If you think your fears, doubts and worries are getting in your way, come to my Relaxation Workshop in London on Saturday. I'll show you how to overcome them.

The Why Can't Successful Black Women Find Good Black Men? event was very stimulating. Click here to read more.

I disagreed with one of the brothas on the panel. He kept saying, "You are all competing for the same men.

"There are so many men who are married, so many are in prison, so many are dating exclusively outside the race. You are all competing for the ones that are left."

That is scarcity thinking. Scarcity thinking creates scarcity. Abundance thinking attracts abundance.

Click here to read about Changing Scarcity to Abundance.

One sista in the audience said, "I met my partner EIGHT HOURS after I finished with the previous one, and we are on our way to getting married".

She also said, "If you can't find a man here, travel. There's a whole world out there". Excellent advice, in my opinion.

If you want to learn about how to attract what you want, wherever you are, come to my Relaxation Workshop this Saturday.

Des is going to be holding a singles event where you are guaranteed to meet and talk to 50 Black men at the after-party. Click here for more info and to book.

Click here for the Success Strategies fan page.

To find out about future events for the Black community, click here to join Nurture Success.

Here's to your success!

Why Can't Successful Black Women Find Good Black Men?

I went to a great event on Saturday night called Why Can’t Successful Black Women Find Good Black Men?

I don’t agree with the basic premise. We can attract the partners we want, we just need to find the strategies to do so. More about this below.

It was a very lively event. There was a panel of four – two brothas and two sistas – who expressed their views on a range of topics, such as

- the reasons why people don’t come to these events
- self-development and empowerment
- are Black women too independent?
- are Black men intimidated by women who ear more than they do?

And lots more.

The people on the panel and in the audience were being very real. I was pleasantly surprised, as I have heard about similar events being held in the ‘90s in which the sistas were very angry (with good reason) and basically slagged off the brothas. Everyone had intelligent points to make, although I didn’t agree with everything that was said.

I highly recommend these events. Click here to find out more.

Strategies

Des O’Connor (no, not that Des O’Connor), who presented the event, was highly skilled. He suggested several strategies for meeting the kind of man you want to meet.

For example, during the World Cup, go to a sports bar when one of the African teams is playing. There will be plenty of men there.

I think that’s a brilliant strategy. Having said that, I can teach you ladies how to attract a man wherever you are. And I can teach you fellas how to attract a woman. If you want a same-sex partner, I can help with that, too.

To find out how to do this, come to my Relaxation Workshop in London on Saturday. Click here for details.

Relaxation is a big part of attraction. Our emotions influence our ability to attract what we want. This is Law of Attraction stuff.

I will be blogging more about last Saturday’s event. Des will be holding a singles event in which you are guaranteed to meet at least 50 Black men and chat to all of them in the course of the evening. Click here for info and to book.

Click here for the Success Strategies fan page.

To find out about future events for the Black community, click here to join Nurture Success.

Black Men, Women, Relationships

This month in Essence, there is an article called “Where Is the Love” about relationships between Black men and women.

Hill Harper, author of Letters to a Young Brother and Letters to a Young Sister, has just brought out a new book entitled The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships.

One point he makes is that single-sex conversations will not bring about progress – in other words, men and women need to talk to each other.

I would argue that single-sex conversations are important, and may feel like a safer place to start. But in the end, we are a complete race and brothas and sistas need to connect and communicate with each other.

I would argue further that it’s not just a matter of talking – it’s also about how we talk and listen to each other. When there are forums for men and women, there tends to be a lot of judging and blaming, a lot of accusations. We need to learn a new language for communication – the language of Nonviolent Communication.

We have learned toxic ways of relating to each other and we are paying the price with broken relationships.

Did you know that:

Only 38% of Black children live in two-parent homes.

In 1966, more than 84% of all African American children were raised in two-parent households. By 2006, that number was at just 31%, compared to

• 80% of Asian American children and
• 70% of white American children?

The article lays the blame for problems between Black men and women firmly at the feet of internalised racism, i.e. self-hatred. I couldn’t agree more.

For more about this, see The Key to Confidence.

Hill also argues that many Black women are looking for a man who is financially well-off. I’ve heard this so many times before. I think this is probably because many of us yearn for material security. But we need to learn to provide this security for ourselves, while still being open to a loving relationship.

Hill adds that most of us would not have dated Barack Obama.

I say: If we define a potential partner by his paycheck or bank balance, rather than the qualities he is bringing to the relationship, we are selling ourselves short.

This is about core values. Are you looking for someone with whom you feel secure, with whom you can share yourself and express yourself freely and openly?

Hill finishes by talking about authenticity. If you feel like you have to put on an act when you are with men, how are you going to be happy in a relationship?

My work is about solutions – building happy, healthy relationships, families and communities. Check out my communications course October 10th-11th.

See also: This article about empathy.

New Review - The Key to Everything

I just received a wonderful review for my new ebook, The Key to Everything. I am completely blown away by this.

This version of the book is for everyone. The version for people of African heritage is called What They Don't Want Us to Know.

To read more, click here.

To download the books, click here.